i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I supernannyed him into submission
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
