I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
