I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
