I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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