I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
