My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
