i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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