textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
