Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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