Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
