its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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