new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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