Having a random hookup so left but love u
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
