What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
