Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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