just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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