Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
