I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
