i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
