Yo dont text me then not text me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
