Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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