Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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