forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
