I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
