i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
