Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
