I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
this boner is exhausting
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
