I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
