I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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