glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
