I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
