I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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