Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
