I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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