Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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