Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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