So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
And then he peed in my hair
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