Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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