I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
