new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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