Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
