I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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