Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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