I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
