waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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