it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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