Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
