Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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