Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
