i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
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I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
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Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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