Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
