just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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