Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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