Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
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