I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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