this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
