Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
