in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I could make wine with my vomit
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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