i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
