I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
