I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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