So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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