Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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