I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
