Christians are straight up FREAKS
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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