grandma shit on top of the toilet
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
