i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
