If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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