I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
