theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
