38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
