I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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