Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
