Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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