Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
