why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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