His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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