Screwed.edu
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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