Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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