your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
be right there i have to get my cape
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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