bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
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you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
How naked do you want me to be?
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