I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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