Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm at about main and main street
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
